Harlows Head, Life

10 Signs YOU Are in a Toxic Relationship.

I’m no expert in love but I’ve been broken and I have broken.  I’ve been on both sides of the manipulation table. I’ve cried, I’ve begged, I’ve loved. In the end it’s so worth it.

Sometimes, people come into your life and surprise you in the most beautiful ways. Click To Tweet

1. They are not willing to make sacrifices. 

I want you to take out a piece of paper.  At the top write their name next to yours, then I want you to start writing EVERYTHING you do or have done for them and then list EVERYTHING they have or have done for you.  If their list is more than half the size of yours then it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Let me just add that some people are VERY good at manipulation and you might be doing a lot more than you realized because they shower you with attention when you do.  This is usually the case with narcissists. If you suspect you are in a relationship with one, know that it’s NOT YOUR FAULT, regardless of what they say or make you appear like in front of their friends.  YOU CANNOT CHANGE THEM.  Trust me I’ve tried this from personal experience.  It will only ruin you in the end.

2. They are closed off with their emotions

Ah, you got to love good ole feelings, except of course, for when they are nonexistent. Does he tell you he loves you, or hell, that he “likes” you? Are you always the one that expresses your feelings only to get ignored? A person that loves you will SHOW it.  They will want to scream it to the heavens.  Remember Tom Cruise and the Oprah couch scene?  Tragically, that relationship didn’t last but no-one EVER denied he didn’t love Katie at that moment.

They will be vulnerable.  They will show their weaknesses with pride. They will wear it like a fucking badge.  They will love you.

3.  You idolize them in hopes to earn their love.

Oh boy, this one is a biggie for me. You are VERY attracted to someone so, the first thing you do is find out what they like, what are their hobbies, then guess what?  Your stupid ass starts liking the same shit.  They like motorcycles…you scour the net learning everything you can about them in hopes to gain their love.  But, my dear pathetic friend, ask yourself this.  Do they ever want to learn about YOUR hobbies? HMMMM.

4. They have an addictive personality.

Addictions whether being alcohol, drugs, porn…it’s all a trait of a very weak person. Unfortunately, I have personal experience with this one. The alcoholic, for instance, will want you to drink with them and it will be amazing as long as you do but if you, heaven forbid, don’t drink or stop drinking, then they will not want to be around you because it will only remind them of their problem with their addiction.

5.  They never share.

They never disclose personal information about themselves unless, of course, it’s something that makes them look good. Your close friends might pick up on this first and you will most likely stutter through excuses.

“What are his pets names?”

“What’s his parents like?”

“How many siblings does he have?”

If they don't care, they don't share. Click To Tweet

Simple as that.  I mean why do they care if you know who their parents are?  If they truly love you, then they’ll want you in their world.  They’ll want you to know EVERYTHING.  The good, the bad, and the ugly, and in turn, they’ll want to know everything about YOU.  They will listen contently and never hesitate to share stories of their life or show embarrassing pictures of them as a child.

So, think about it.  Are you the one always asking the questions?

6.  You wish that you could turn it off.

Do you ever wish to yourself that you never met them?  That you could stop loving them?

True love or a person that loves you will never make you feel this way.  This is a huge sign of a one-sided relationship.  You’re starving.  They’re giving you just enough to keep you around but in the end it will kill you.  Not in the literal sense, but your heart will grow dark, harden, until there is nothing left but an empty shell. 🙁

7.  They hide you from everyone

Do they talk about you to his friends?  Do they share pics of you two on his pages? Do they give you credit for things you’ve done for him? No? Why?

If they don't care enough about you to tell the world, then why do you give your world to them? Click To Tweet

8. They never label your relationship.

We all know those people.  The ones that brag about their boo, or shorty all over social media.  Do they call you by a pet name?  Do they call you by anything? In a real relationship they will be quick to claim you.  Back to the above topic.  They will want EVERYONE to know you are theirs.

9. They will ignore you when you are not needed.

Social experiment #24.  Stop doing things for them that you listed in #1 and watch what happens.  Spoiler alert…they will stop talking or wanting to be around you.  There’s different kind of users.  They could want you just for personal gain, sex, ego boasts.  There’s so many different parameters but, in the end, it’s all the same.  Take them away and they no longer have a need for you. (disclaimer: this might hurt at first)

10. It’s ALL about them.

This one is self explanatory but I’ve been the victim of this personally so I thought it’s worth listing. Are your conversations always about them?  If you try to mention yourself do they quickly change the subject?  They will share things that make them look good.  A blog post, a online ranking…anything OR, I’ve seen this one many times, they will post useless crap on social media just for the attention.  Just know it’s not you.  They are a coward hiding behind their own veil of uncertainty.


So, what can you do?

Stop feeding them. Like a stray dog, if you stop giving them what they want they will eventually leave you alone.  Will it hurt?  Hell yes.  It will scar you, change you BUT it will heal you, make you grow that hopefully one day you will finally open your heart to someone that truly deserves it.

#CarpeDiem

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