“I always had a repulsive sort of need to be something more than human.” – David Bowie
Day One: We all have to start somewhere.
New day, new beginnings. That has been my adopted mantra for some time now. But was I living by my words? Sadly, no. I was toxic. Not only to myself but to everyone around me. Seeking love and acceptance in the wrong places, thinking that if I please everyone and do EVERYTHING, I was needed. Then, in the middle of the night, the guilt would wash over me.
I was being selfish to myself. Putting everyone’s feelings, wants, and desires before my own. I put my writing toward the back of my lists of things to do because my family didn’t understand my need to have my stories told. I was the perfect mom – perfect wife – perfect friend. Always jumping in to help, no matter what the cost.
The negative energy that I was collecting and wearing of those around me was festering in my body. My soul was heavy and my vision was clouded. I was literally dying from the inside out.
I stopped working out, praying, and meditating. I knew something had to change before I lost my self forever.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life…
So, I’m going to document my journey, leaving nothing out. My goal is to love myself in the end and put myself first like I have done with so many others, so many times.
Song of the Day: (this one has nothing to do with my current mood I just can’t get the bluesy rhythm out of my mind)