“I like things to happen, and if they don’t happen I like to make them happen.” – Winston Churchill
Day Five: Not for the faint of heart
Yesterday was productive..well emotionally anyway since I didn’t get out of my pajamas until noon. 😛 I stayed up late reading an ugly cry book. You might have heard of it. It’s written by a cooky author named Colleen Hoover or CoHo as I like to call her. Yes, and I might just own the signed copy that includes Nick Bateman’s signature. Eek!
I know I want so much more than what he’s giving me and he wants so much less than what I want to give him, but we’re both just taking what we can get for now. I try not to think about what will happen the day I can’t handle it anymore. I try not to think about all the other things I’m sacrificing by still being involved with him.
Hoover, Colleen. Ugly Love: A Novel (p. 221). Atria Books. Kindle Edition.
Yeah, let’s just say my sacral chakra is closed tighter than a sealed vault. So, I have some emotional baggage I tend to carry around with me. I ignore it. Let it fester until it explodes and boy when it does, I feel for the poor bastard on the receiving end.
This one is not an easy one to heal. Self-doubt, codependency, and feeling insecure is just some of the behavioral characteristics. To heal, you must do more of what makes YOU happy. Being an empath and giver, that’s not an easy task. Also, did I mention that I’m a control freak? Umm yeah, so let’s say for the sake of my soulwork I’m willing to try. I had to ask myself. What makes me happy? Have you ever really REALLY thought about that question? Not what makes your husband or child or friend happy but YOU. I had spent so much time pleasing everyone else that I lost sight of my own happiness.
Baby steps, Harlow. Ok, coffee makes me happy. So I make a pot of my favorite, Death Wish this morning and enjoyed two cups. Yes I might be a little over-caffeinated at the moment.
Next, music. I honestly could not go a day without it. I have a vast taste and appreciation for all genres. I workout to Italian opera, do my heavy bag routine to heavy alternative, and cook to the classics like Armstrong, Charles, and Martin. So, this one is easy. Music is on.
My plants. I LOVE gardening and tend to get irritable and antsy this time of year because of the weather. I have to be outside BUT it being 20 freaking degrees and not owning a greenhouse, I had to improvise. I converted a large storage closet into my grow room a year ago so I can sow my seeds and have more indoor plants. A good friend of mine keeps me stocked with little cuttings and seeds, knowing I like a challenge. I spent sometime this morning working on my spring seeds for my garden. I walked out feelings lighter and happy.
Finally, my books. Jolene told me this morning that I’m banned from ugly cry books lol. So, I grabbed a copy of the latest Meghan Quinn book that promises a good laugh and occasional snort. If you haven’t read a Quinn book, holy shit go NOW. I mean you will cry from laughing so hard. I PROMISE. She is almost as crazy as I am. I once told her that when I meet her in person I’m humping her leg and last year I did just that.
It feels good to be me. Everyday I feel a little closer to the spiritual awakening that I have been craving for so long. #HarlowsHead Click To Tweet
I know in the end that my relationships with no only myself but those around me will thank me for it.
Song of the Day: