Genre: Romantic comedy
Publication Date: March 14, 2017
My Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars
Reviewed by: Jolene
“You have to read Seriously Messed Up! It’s not AS hilarious as The Virgin Romance Novelist but it’s funny.” my bookaholic co-worker said as she continued to describe her favorite scenes from the book. Her enthusiasm for this story reminded me of myself, “You have to read it!” she protested once more.
So, that’s what I did.
Seriously Messed Up started off with a lot of promise with giving the reader a little glimpse of one of the main characters, Anne’s attempt at internet dating. Which of course, ended badly but the author threw in a hot bartender to help console her resulting in somewhat of a happy ending. For the night.
I do have to point out though, the scene with Anne and the bartender getting all hot and heavy in the front seat of a car isn’t possible…..as he described it. Especially from a woman’s stand point. Trust me. Unless you’re wearing loose-fitting clothing or bare ass naked, no pleasure would or could be felt……and seriously, why must male authors embellish a mans cock……. “it snaked across his hip” ….what the fuck? Is he Ron Jeremy? I would love for ONCE to read, “his cock was average in length that curved slightly to the left.” let’s be real here, they are NOT all massive in size or perfect.
From that point we are introduced to a slew of characters that didn’t serve any purpose to the meat of the story. I can’t tell you how many times I went back to the beginning just to figure out where the characters were from because the author kept referencing, “about six hundred miles away”, or “over 600 miles away” ….. FROM WHERE? It wasn’t until a destination was revealed, Tampa… that I was able to get a sense of where part of the story was taking place but that still didn’t help settle my curious mind and it wasn’t until chapter 24 that it was revealed that Anne was from Chicago. But one shouldn’t have to be Dora in order to find Waldo!
It wasn’t until the 5th chapter that I realized that Eli was the main character. I never got a full description of what he looked liked, but from all the unfortunate instances that plague him through out the book I pictured Gomer Pyle…..not the man gracing the cover and NOT some John Cena-Jean Claude-super hero that the author weaved together in chapter 9. The intense fight scene would have been great in any other book, but this one. It didn’t fit. It didn’t make sense especially when Eli is a klutz and flipping accident prone.
And that’s where I wanted to give up and stop reading BUT one can never look away from a train wreak…..plus, I was waiting to feel what my co-worker felt. I wanted to laugh and connect with the characters but that wasn’t the case.
The characters lacked development and the story line was all over the place. There were a lot of holes (three pages worth) and “what the hell” moments throughout the story. One being, Eli getting fired…. but his boss calls him the following day to ask if he can take part in a conference call for assistance on a general status report. Excuse me? Eli was fired. He should have told them to go F themselves instead of interrupting his vacation.
I did enjoy the male POV but again there were a lot of other POV’s throughout the book making the story less than enjoyable. I really wish there were more scenes with Anne and Melanie, their scenes were great….but we never heard one peep from Melanie after chapter 4. Hell, their conversation about hairy penises was hilarious .
Would I recommend this book? I’m not sure. It’s not HORRIBLE.
It’s sort of funny how a reader like my coworker can just simply READ for the pleasure of reading and not pick up on the “little” things…..she reads with a non picky beta brain where others like myself can no longer read a book without our brains slowly charting and putting the scenes together like puzzle pieces making sure it all fits just right and when we come to a piece that doesn’t quite fit we slam our fists onto that piece until it does.